The Best Relationship Advice You Could Ever Receive Is To Learn The Difference Between Healthy And Unhealthy Communications Patterns.
After studying the communications patterns between people since 1975, Dr. Doris Jeanette created a chart to help you learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Take a look how Dr. Jeanette defines healthy relationships. The key factor is to pay attention to and notice how you communicate with others.
Please do not judge yourself or your relationship. Instead, learn how to improve the way you communicate with others. Do not judge the other person and make him wrong.
None of us are perfect. You are not perfect. Do not expect any relationship to be perfect. Instead, seek a real relationship that is based in reality. Growing together is the goal, loving each other is the goal.
Definition of a Healthy Relationship
Helping another person when he or she needs help is the hallmark of a loving relationship. Caretaking behaviors are not the hallmark of a loving relationship.
Caretaking behaviors are when you help another person do what they need to do for themselves. Recusing another person makes them weaker, not stronger. It also makes you weaker, not stronger.
Caretaking, Co-dependent Relationships are Unhealthy.
Co-dependent, caretaking behaviors are the major cause of unhappiness in relationships. The emotional health dynamics of co-dependent relationships are the kiss of death for equal, loving relationships.
Without knowing it, you learned unhealthy “codependent behaviors from your parents and other role models. These unhealthy relationships behaviors seem to be the norm in most of the different cultures around the world.
Multicultural Mothers and Fathers teach their children to take care of others instead of teaching their child how to take care of themselves.
The fact that rescuing another person, instead of taking care of yourself is learned is good news. This means you can unlearn the codependent behaviors of taking care of others.
Even though you feel guilty when you do not take care of others, you can learn new, more effective relationship skills that empower you and those you love.
In a healthy relationship both people feel energized after being together.
The best relationship advice you could receive is to learn how to take care of yourself. When you take care of yourself, you do not expect others to take care of you. When you are responsible for yourself, you are free to be yourself. And joy, oh, joy, the other person is free to be themselves.
A healthy win-win relationship will flourish over time. Healthy win-win relationships are fun, honest, authentic and empowering. Healthy relationships allow you the freedom to be your True Nature.
As soon as you become aware of any unhealthy codependency relationship patterns you can change them into healthier patterns. Improving your relationship skills will be an ongoing process of becoming more emotionally secure as you live your life more fully.
When you say goodbye to pleasing the other person, you become emotionally stronger and more secure. When you learn how to to stand up for yourself in your relationship, you become more self-confidence.
If a person truly loves you, they will not leave you if you take care of yourself. If someone loves you, they are happy when you take care of yourself. This means they do not have to take care of you, which frees them from carrying you around on their shoulders.
When you are in a relationship with someone one who does not truly love you, they may leave if you stop pleasing them. You have not lost love, you have lost approval and a heavy burden that you can lift off your shoulders.
Guilt is the nasty energy associated with unhealthy caretaking. You feel guilty when you take care of yourself instead of taking care of another person. So, do not be surprised when you feel guilty and need to unlearn the false beliefs that are controlling you.
It is also natural that you are afraid of losing love. It is universal that we fear losing the other person. However, if you face your fear of losing love, you learn that real love is different from approval. Love is secure and lasts forever.
The relationship is unhealthy when approval and disapproval are the way people control each other. Approval is conditional. Both praise and punishment are used in unhealthy relationships to control the other person.
The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
| An Unhealthy Relationship is Based on “Caretaking” Behaviors | A Healthy Relationship is Based on Loving Behaviors |
|---|---|
| You give energy to another person, expecting something back in return | You give energy freely, with no expectations, strings or conditions |
| You withhold love if he does not do as you want | You love her when she does not do as you want |
| You whine and complain | You stand up for yourself |
| You are not responsible for yourself, you want the other person to be responsible for you | You are responsible for yourself |
| You try to control her behaviors to make you more comfortable | You allow him the freedom to be himself, even if it makes you uncomfortable at times |
| You seek his or her approval | You do not need approval |
| You are passive and aggressive | You are assertive |
| You relate in an unequal way to your partner–as if you are less valuable or more valuable than he or she | You relate equally to your partner, knowing you are both of equal value |
| You do not know what you really feel emotionally | You share and express your emotions to your partner |
Copyright, 2011, Doris Jeanette
This healthy relationship definition applies to all relationships, not just sexual love relationships. This unhealthy relationship definition with co- dependent behaviors applies to any relationship.
Therapists need to unlearn their caretaking behaviors so they do not model and reinforce caretaking behaviors with their clients. When therapists feel burnout, they are caretaking.
Burnout is the reason co-dependent relationships are unhealthy. Overtime, the caretaking behaviors kill the real love that started the relationship. The heavy, unhealthy emotional dynamics of codependency turns love into fear and anxiety.
Therapists need to recognize that they are creating their burnout feeling due to the caretaking way they are relating to their clients. Therapists can learn how to empower their clients so their clients become more emotionally secure.
This means the therapist needs to become more emotionally secure so they can teach healthier communication skills to their clients. Effective therapy empowers both the therapist and the client because the relationship is not based on the unhealthy emotional energy dynamics of codependency.
Healthy relationships are equal and honest. When you empower the other person, both of you become stronger and more self-confident
Controlling a person is the opposite of loving them.
If you learn how to be assertive and honest with the people in your life, you are sure to be happier and healthier. One step at a time is the way to learn how to improve your relationships skills until you feel equal in more and more of your relationships.
Any relationship you can maintenance and continue to grow in is healthy for you. Keep loving yourself and others as you grow into more and more of your true nature.
This material is copyrighted. However, you can link to this page to help others become aware of the difference between unhealthy and healthy relationships.
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