Low Self Esteem Treatment

Alternative Therapy Answers to Your Questions by Dr. Doris Jeanette

Alternative Therapy Answers to Your Questions by Dr. Doris Jeanette

Low Self Esteem and Relationship Advice Question:

Why do women aspire to romance above all else? How can I regain interest in hobbies, etc. rather than my relationship? Susie

Low Self-Esteem Treatment and Relationship Advice Answer

You are correct. Women are more interested in relationships than we are in anything else. This is a good quality. Everyone needs to value their relationships to others more than how much money they make or success they achieve.

Caring about others is a feminine quality that needs to be embraced by men and women because it will improve all aspects of life, even the work place. Placing relationships first is a healthy choice for everyone.

The problem occurs when women and men are conditioned to take care of others instead of themselves. Being conditioned to sacrifice ourselves for another person is not healthy.

We are attached to people in ways that make us weak and insecure rather than strong and emotionally secure. The old joke about the Jewish Mother laying guilt trips on her children to take care of her is true for all of us.

Most mothers and fathers teach their children to “take care” of others rather than encouraging their children to focus on their own well-being. The consequence of this co-dependent relationship pattern is that children learn low self-esteem.

You have been classically conditioned.

You have been classically conditioned to feel guilt if you focus on your own hobbies and interests. Really let the reality of your conditioning soak in and absorb what you are facing. You have learned low self-esteem.

Your automatic nervous system has been classically conditioned. This is the reason you are having such a hard time staying in touch with yourself when you are in a love relationship. You have been taught that your purpose in life is to take care of others. This is incorrect, unhealthy learning.

Your purpose in life is to be responsible and take care of yourself. To lose yourself in a relationship makes you co-dependent and weak. Improving your self-esteem is extremely important. Otherwise you will be unhappy and so will your partner. Pretty soon there will be no romance left.

You need to learn to stand up and take care of yourself. You can regain your interests and your sense of self. This unhealthy, caretaking relationship pattern is the greatest problem you need to overcome if you want to create a healthy, love relationship.

The world at large is conditioned to think that “rescuing” others is a loving thing to do. Rescuing others is not a healthy way to relate to anyone.

Caretaking is called the “Messiah Complex.”

This is because you are saving and rescuing others. You know you are “taking care” of your boyfriend when you feel responsible for his welfare and happiness. When you do this, you do not trust that he has his own strengths. You relate to him as if he is inferior.

When you have the Messiah Complex you act superior to the other person. You think and act like your partner is not strong enough or smart enough to take care of himself.

When you spend your time and energy “taking care” of others, you are not dealing with your own fears, needs and shortcomings. You have the Messiah Complex when you focus on someone else’s problems instead of dealing with your own.

The low self-esteem treatment you need is to work on yourself so you are more emotionally secure. To improve your low self -esteem, you need to feel your own fears and insecurities.

Feeling your own inadequacies and dependency needs will help you become more independent. Yes, when you feel your real fears and face them, then you can pay attention to your own interests and sense of self without anxiety.

There is a difference between real love and “taking care” of others.

For example, a mother with good self-esteem is someone who takes care of herself and gives her children the example of a vibrant, fulfilled human being.

A loving mother shows her children how satisfying it is to be fulfilled as a human being by having a life of her own. Her children grow up to enjoy life rather than feeling guilty because they are not doing what they “should” be doing.

A mother with good self-esteem trusts that her children can take care of themselves because she has taught them how to do so. She does everything she can to empower them. She teaches her child to trust his own inner strengths.

A father with good self-esteem models for his children a person who takes care of himself. A mother with good esteem lives her life fully, so her children are free to do the same.

A self-confident mother does not tie her child to her in unhealthy ways with a sense of obligation. She sets her children free. In contrast, a father with low self-esteem will sacrifice himself for his children and put guilt trips on them.

The Best Low Self-Esteem Treatment.

To improve your self-esteem you need to be responsible for finding yourself and standing up for yourself. You need to allow your boyfriend to be responsible for fulfilling himself. Romance and sex will never improve your low self-esteem.

You need to create an equal, loving relationship with your boyfriend. He will benefit if you stay in touch with yourself. You are the one he fell in love with. You are the one who is interesting and exciting.

Get back into your hobbies and interests. Don’t let the relationship become boring and mired in the past with unhealthy caretaking and codependency. Both of you need to be conscious and aware of unlearning your unhealthy communication patterns from the past.

Empower yourself by feeling your own feelings and emotions so you are stronger and more secure. The more you are true to yourself in a loving relationship, the stronger the real love will be between you. The best low self-esteem treatment is to improve your emotional health by learning new ways to stand up for yourself in your relationship.

Copyright, Dr. Doris Jeanette, 1998, revised, 2023

Resources To Help You:

1. Work with the emotional guide, “Opening the Heart” audio or ebook. You can find, accept and follow your own interests so you continue to be attractive to others and can feel strong in a loving relationship.

2. Study the audio, “Find Peace Beyond Judgment and Guilt.” to help you break free from your conditioned responses to please others and caretake them. Getting rid of guilt will help your feel more self-esteem.

3. Take an Assertiveness Training Course.

“Stop the World From Pushing You Around: Six Weeks to Solid Self-Confidence,” is a professional, high quality Assertiveness Training home study course. Dr. Jeanette began teaching Assertiveness Training in 1976. This AT course has added value due to Dr. Jeanette’s original holistic psychology point of view. Learn about nonverbal communication, body language and energy. 47 page manual with six weeks of lessons and hand outs PLUS more than six hours of audio. $99.97 Read more and order.

For more on how guilt controls you and how to stop guilt from ruining your life read “How to Live a Guilt Free Life.

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