Feeling Guilty? Stuck in Guilt? Would You Like to Live a Guilt-Free Life?
Feeling Guilty, Feeling Bad Question
What is quilt and how do I get rid of it? K.M.
The Definition of Guilt and How to Deal with Guilt Answer
Guilt is the worst experience known to humans. Guilt ties you up in knots and makes you feel unworthy and miserable. Contrary to what you may think, guilt is not a real, authentic human emotion. Instead, it is a “feeling” that you have committed a sin, therefore, you are bad and wrong.
Therefore, guilt is a conditioned response, not an authentic emotion. You learned to feel guilty when someone in your past told you that you were bad or wrong.
A Natural Treatment Plan for Shame and Guilt
Guilt is the worst experience known to humans. Guilt ties you up in
knots and makes you feel unworthy and miserable. Contrary to what
you may think, guilt is not a real, authentic human emotion. Guilt is a
“learned, conditioned response.” This means you learned to feel guilty
when someone in your past told you that you were “bad” or “wrong.”
Since you are “bad and wrong,” you feel like you have committed a sin.
This mental judgment against you creates a guilt complex. Since guilt is
a learned response, not an authentic emotion, a holistic guilt treatment
plan can help you unlearn your guilt complex.
Now, as an adult, when you “feel guilty,” you think that you have done
something “wrong” and are judging yourself. The result is your energy
becomes totally tied up in knots and pulls you in different directions at
the same time. You are in a lose-lose situation, with no resolution
possible. Guilt is a catch 22.
You are stuck; no matter what you do, you feel bad. Guilt is a
losing battle, an inner conflict where you lose no matter what you
do!
Your thoughts tell you that you have committed a “sin” and need to be
punished. Pretty awful stuff. Since you are a “good person,” you punish
yourself for being “bad” by judging yourself and sometimes even do
physical harm to yourself. Yes, guilt explains self-destructive behavior. If
you listen to your Inner Critic, you think you are a terrible person and
need to be punished.
However, if you are rational, you can see any lose-lose, no win situation
is crazy. Since guilt is irrational, you need a treatment plan for guilt that
is effective. Do not trust guilt energy. Do not make any life decision
based on your guilt complex.
Step One: Natural Treatment Plan for Shame and Guilt.
If you have done something you really regret, apologize and stop
doing it. Otherwise, dispense with guilt. Do not let guilt ruin your
life.
When I hurt someone’s feelings, I usually sense it because I feel the
hurt I have inflicted on another person. I do not feel guilty, I feel sorry I
have hurt someone. I take a deep breath, feel my feelings and am
accountable for my behavior. Taking responsibility for my behavior
means that I learn from the experience how to become more aware of
my hard-hearted ego when it is out and about.
Sometimes, I go back and apologize to the person I have been cold
hearted to. Sometimes, I do not. The last time I hurt someone’s feelings
due to being abrupt and insensitive was in Sweden with one of my
students at the University for Global Well-being. I explained to him that I
felt bad that I had been abrupt and insensitive to him. I expressed what
was going on inside of me and apologized. He said everything was all
right. Most people will not admit you have hurt their feelings.
I had to apologized three different times to my student before he
accepted my apology. I felt better as soon as I apologized to my
student. However, I didn’t feel complete until he accepted my apology.
As you can see, taking responsibility for yourself is very different from
being in a lose-lose guilt complex situation.
I felt better and my student felt better. Win-win is the mentally healthy
way to be in all situations. Emotionally healthy people are responsible
for all their feelings, thoughts and behavior. When you are responsible,
you have excellent mental health and emotional health.
The secret unconscious emotional
dynamics of guilt trips.
The secret unconscious emotional dynamics of guilt trips.
Guilt is used to condition children to behave as expected. People,
cultures and societies over the centuries have used guilt, shame and
blame to control their children. The Jewish culture is famous for their
guilt, developing it to a high art. I was full of guilt myself so the southern
families have obviously used it very successfully as well!
When a person judges you as “wrong,” they are defending against their
authentic emotions. Their sticky guilt energy is so strong they project
their mental judgments on to you. What this means is they beat up on
you instead of beating themselves up. Projections are unconscious
behaviors that can become conscious.
When people judge you, they are energetically placing their judgmental
thoughts about themselves on to you. Your behavior triggers their
feelings about themselves that they are blocking, denying and
repressing. Their knee jerk response is to make you the enemy instead
of becoming aware of their own critical, controlling thoughts. Everyone
has unconscious nasty thoughts that make them feel bad about
themselves. The Inner Critic is well documented by psychological
research.
You can learn to tell when someone acts “offended” by your behavior
that they are in a defensive ego energy that is projecting their nasty
thoughts outward. The real self is not offended because being offended
is a defensive behavior. The real self is authentic, open and sincere. For
any treatment plan for guilt to be effective, you need to recognize the
sticky energy of guilt which comes from your ego or others. When you
are aware of the energy of guilt, you can protect yourself from inner and
external mental attacks.
Step Two: Holistic Treatment Plan for Shame and Guilt
Instead of projecting your judgments on to others, become conscious of
your judgments of yourself. Get to know your Inner Critic and become
aware of what it is saying to you. Once you stop making yourself wrong,
you can consciously move into self-acceptance. If you do not judge
yourself, you can deal with other people’s judgments of you without
losing your self-confidence and self esteem.
Start attending to your own needs and honor them as equal to others.
Don’t judge your needs and desires as wrong or bad. If you open your
heart and solar plexus, you can feel your real emotions and feelings as
they occur in life. You need to check in with your emotional self so you
know what is best for you rather than automatically doing what you have
been conditioned you should do.
As your holistic guilt treatment plan become successful, you will notice
you have been conditioned to think negative thoughts about yourself for
many assertive, healthy behaviors. The way to complete your natural
treatment plan for guilt is to stop your mental judgments against yourself
or others. Making someone else wrong has the same self-destructive
results as making yourself wrong.
In reality, there is no right or wrong. There are life experiences to learn
from. So get out there and enjoy learning, living and growing. Say hello
to a guilt complex treatment that works. Trust yourself and love yourself.
Create the life you want without guilt. Live a guilt free life that creates
healthy, equal relationships.
To Learn more about how to be successful with your natural treatment
plant for guilt study the audio, “Find Peace Beyond Judgment and Guilt.”
Studying this guilt complex treatment audio helps you learn the skill set you
need to eliminate guilt and judgment from your life so you enjoy more
guilt free living.
Listen to the Opening the Heart audio will teach you how to find, follow
and love your emotional self without guilt.
So how do you get rid of guilt?
A child does not “feel guilty” until someone punishes her and makes her
experience guilt. When an authority, teacher or parent tells a child that
she has offended someone or hurt someone’s “feelings,” she feels guilt.
When someone is offended by your behavior, they accuse you of doing
something wrong or bad. You may or may not have done anything
wrong or bad. As a matter of fact, most of the time, you have not done
anything that would be considered to be bad or wrong.
As an adult, guilt is caused by thinking that you have done something
wrong. You think you have done something wrong because you judge
yourself based on a judgment that you learned in your past.
When you feel guilt it could be your own judgment against yourself or
someone else’s judgment against you. For example, if your mother
wants you to come home for the holidays she may judge you as a bad
daughter if you do not come home to see her. The fact that you do not
go home to see your mother does not mean that you are a bad
daughter.
In other words, you are taught to feel guilt when someone judges you–
about anything– how you dress, how you move, how you think, what
you do. Guilt is a form of manipulation.
In reality there is no right way to dress, move, think or do! The more
creative you are, the more ways there are to dress, move, think and do!
A child does not “feel guilty” until someone punishes her and makes her
experience guilt. When an authority, teacher or parent tells a child that
she has offended someone or hurt someone’s “feelings,” she feels guilt.
When someone is offended by your behavior, they accuse you of doing
something wrong or bad. You may or may not have done anything
wrong or bad. As a matter of fact, most of the time, you have not done
anything that would be considered to be bad or wrong.
As an adult, guilt is caused by thinking that you have done something
wrong. You think you have done something wrong because you judge
yourself based on a judgment that you learned in your past.
Benefits of a Living a Guilt-Free Life
1. Getting what you want and need.
2. Listening to your heart and following your bliss.
3. Forgiving yourself and others.
4. Relaxing and enjoying what you are doing.
5. Spending money when and how you want to.
6. Stopping resentment and bitterness.
7. Avoiding cancer and other diseases caused by resentment.
8. Living the life you want to live and not the life you “should.”
9. Having more loving relationships with others.
When you feel guilt it could be your own judgment against yourself or
someone else’s judgment against you. For example, if your mother
wants you to come home for the holidays she may judge you as a bad
daughter if you do not come home to see her. The fact that you do not
go home to see your mother does not mean that you are a bad
daughter.
In other words, you are taught to feel guilt when someone judges you–
about anything– how you dress, how you move, how you think, what
you do. Guilt is a form of manipulation.
In reality there is no right way to dress, move, think or do! The more
creative you are, the more ways there are to dress, move, think and do!
A child does not “feel guilty” until someone punishes her and makes her
experience guilt. When an authority, teacher or parent tells a child that
she has offended someone or hurt someone’s “feelings,” she feels guilt.
When someone is offended by your behavior, they accuse you of doing
something wrong or bad. You may or may not have done anything
wrong or bad. As a matter of fact, most of the time, you have not done
anything that would be considered to be bad or wrong.
As an adult, guilt is caused by thinking that you have done something
wrong. You think you have done something wrong because you judge
yourself based on a judgment that you learned in your past.
When you feel guilt it could be your own judgment against yourself or
someone else’s judgment against you. For example, if your mother
wants you to come home for the holidays she may judge you as a bad
daughter if you do not come home to see her. The fact that you do not
go home to see your mother does not mean that you are a bad
daughter.
In other words, you are taught to feel guilt when someone judges you–
about anything– how you dress, how you move, how you think, what
you do. Guilt is a form of manipulation.
In reality there is no right way to dress, move, think or do! The more
creative you are, the more ways there are to dress, move, think and do!
A child does not “feel guilty” until someone punishes her and makes her
experience guilt. When an authority, teacher or parent tells a child that
she has offended someone or hurt someone’s “feelings,” she feels guilt.
When someone is offended by your behavior, they accuse you of doing
something wrong or bad. You may or may not have done anything
wrong or bad. As a matter of fact, most of the time, you have not done
anything that would be considered to be bad or wrong.
As an adult, guilt is caused by thinking that you have done something
wrong. You think you have done something wrong because you judge
yourself based on a judgment that you learned in your past.
When you feel guilt it could be your own judgment against yourself or
someone else’s judgment against you. For example, if your mother
wants you to come home for the holidays she may judge you as a bad
daughter if you do not come home to see her. The fact that you do not
go home to see your mother does not mean that you are a bad
daughter.
In other words, you are taught to feel guilt when someone judges you–
about anything– how you dress, how you move, how you think, what
you do. Guilt is a form of manipulation.
In reality there is no right way to dress, move, think or do! The more
creative you are, the more ways there are to dress, move, think and do!
